just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
