Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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