Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
