I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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