ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
