Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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