I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
