Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize