I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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