On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When are your genitals available?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
