my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
