i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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