Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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