His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
