I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
