what day is it and did you see me today?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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