ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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