dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
