I think i sorta joined a cult last night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize