One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
