Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
