I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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