My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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