who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
