Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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