I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
