i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
