Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
