It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
