Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
