i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
