I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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