u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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