If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize