Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
