sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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