how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
