i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
