Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
