I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
