I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
