nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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