Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
