dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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