Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
