Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
should my penis look like a turkey
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize