Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
