nut hugger
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
