Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize