Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
