I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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