MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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