oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
