I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize