thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
