would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
