got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
