Having a random hookup so left but love u
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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