I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Terrible idea I love it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
