i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
