Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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