I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
