Whod you bang
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
