Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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