If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
