can we get nightvision for the apartment?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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