This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
