Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
