Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
