Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
