dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
