thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
