I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
